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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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And then, just when I think it can’t get worse, I trip over a pallet. Yup, classic me. I go down hard, and everyone stops. I’m lying there, feeling like a total fool. But then, this guy comes over, helps me up, and cracks a joke. “You okay, or just practicing your diving skills?” I can’t help but laugh. It’s moments like these that remind me why I love this job.

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